My left hip hurts. Probably because I recently had a Total Hip Replacement, or THR, as they call it in the biz. My crappy, osteoarthritic ridden hip tormented me going on 10 months but this new, post-surgical pain is tolerable, welcome even, as it is a defined pain, attributed to a specific event, and I know it shall pass within a certain, calculable period of time.
GOOD HIP NAOMI’s HIP
This whole process, from the first twinge back in January, which was not in my hip by- the-way, it was in my thigh. This phenomena is called referred pain, which I am going to cover in a different post. Anyway, as I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself, this whole process, from January to my current status as post-op patient at home on short-term disability leave, with a walker that I only used for two days, not because I am super speedy healer, but because it’s a walker and I may not have a lot of dignity left, but you can be darn sure I’m protecting its fraying remains. Anyway, again, to finish the sentence I started at the beginning of this paragraph, from January until this moment, I felt and still feel like this whole thing is ridiculous and really I’m just an excellent hypochondriac, and how is it I am now someone who will set off the security alarms at airports because tucked in my femur is a titanium rod with a ball on top that is resting in ceramic covered metal that is acting as my hip socket? How? How?
Diagnosis took awhile (that’s that whole referred pain thing) but eventually I got one, thank you x-ray and MRI. Oh yes, the MRI.
The MRI machine is a giant putty-colored tube, maybe 9-10 feet from top to bottom, with a motorized slab for the patient smack in the middle. Now here’s the thing, on the front of the machine, in embossed letters at least four feet high, is the GE logo (in putty, not blue, but this is all I could find on the Google).
Now, I’m in pain, the room is freezing, and the tube I’m about to be slid into is really scary looking, and yet despite all of these factors, all I can think is:
Why the fuck did GE smack their logo on this thing?
Not satisfied to just let this thought kick around in my head, I turn the technician:
Does GE think I need to know they made this MRI machine in case I wanna go out and get the home version? You know, when I’m at Target in the Oversized Medical Equipment aisle,and I have to decide between a GE and a Samsung, I’ll remember – oh right, the one I got my MRI done in was a GE, it worked really well. I guess I’ll take the GE. I hope the box has a handle.
The technician had no answer.
Seriously though this still really bothers me. A lot. Why GE? Why?
Now before I got the MRI, I had to get a cane. Ideally this is where I would say I got the cane because I’d been cast in a Broadway revival of Pippin,
but that’s not why.
These are a series of posts about me, my old hip, my new hip and the bumpy, ride to my current situation: home on short-term disability leave. These posts are not done in chronological order and are stand-alone stories, so that you, the reader, can join in at anytime. That’s not true. These posts are not done in order because I was too lazy to write the whole story out at once and the MRI thing really bugs me so I opted to start with that.
Please be sure to come back so you don’t miss these fabulous stories:
-Naomi gets a cane
-Naomi spends some time with Dr. Google
-Gin, the best analgesic on the market