THE VIEW FROM THE SLIPPERY SLOPE

Well I’m back from the overly long sojourn on my couch. The indentions on my taupe microfiber sofa are deep — cavernous, one may even venture to stay. White wine was my go-to comfort food so any liquid remnants will only be visible to the cast of CSI. By “back” I don’t just mean in the fascinating world of blogging, I also mean the job world. Yes. I got a job, and it’s a good one. More on that later, because what I really want to talk about is how much I learned during the past four months.

Learning Experience #1
No matter how much time I have I will still do anything, anything, except clean the bathroom. Clean out the fridge? Check. Wash the kitchen floor? Check. Read Eat Pray Love? No. I’d rather scrub the tub then read that- at least I was never forced to make the choice. My point? It’s not even a big bathroom, it’s small, hobbit-sized, it’s doable. I’m ridiculous.

Learning Experience #2
The Laundry Fairy does not exist. No matter how much time I have, and even with the convenience of a laundry room mere steps from my apartment, the pile of dirty clothes never seemed to ebb. I used to think the Laundry Fairy existed because sometimes I’d go to work and come home and my laundry was actually done. I’d forgotten I’d done it myself, so naturally I attributed the feat to the Fairy.

Having a job is good. Sort of. I can’t complain, or rather I shouldn’t complain, but I still find myself wanting to. Being that I’m writing publicly I’d have to be pretty damn stupid to air any grievances and I’m too damn paranoid to even post where I work.  I can say this though, that in general having a job sucks. Period.

Waking up to an alarm every morning?

Having to wear something other than elastic waistband based clothing? 

Showering every day?

 It’s just not right. I don’t know what the “best job ever” would be, but it doesn’t matter because it’s a job. Why can’t I get paid for just waking up? Or even just returning a phone call? That doesn’t seem to much to ask.

I will never, ever forgive my parents for not making me a trust fund kid. That Leon and Judith failed parenting 101-instilling a work ethic in me just leads to  me having to work.

Not wanting to end on a negative note, I will say this. The nice thing about having a job is I can afford to buy the good cheese again.