One of my deep, dark not-so-secret secrets is my extraordinarily immature reaction to seeing nuns. I laugh. I don’t now why, but seeing a nun in full habit cracks me up. Maybe it’s the idea that they are married to God, and this is what He wants them to wear? Now from what I can tell, Mary was God’s first “plus one” and you can totally get why he knocked her up: A) Virgin B) Teenager! C) She came with her own donkey.
Of course God wanted to hit that. So how did His taste go from hot mid-east babe to pup-tent muumuu with the worst fascinator ever? No matter really, all I know is I see a nun coming and I feel the inappropriate giggle rise up through my body like an unstoppable Tourette’s outburst.
Which brings me to my job. My office is on the 9th Floor of The Interchurch Building (acronym TIC, no I’m not kidding). TIC is “a 19-story building which houses offices and agencies of various religions, and of ecumenical and interreligious organizations.” (And other non-churchy organizations, like mine).
Now, who comes to offices of various religions and organizations? Religiously employed people i.e. priests-a priest, man of cloth, doing the good work, I’m a big fan of Father Mulcahey from MASH. And yet…
The damn clerical collar just kills me! Why, why must they wear that and torture me so. I swear every time I see one I have to consciously stop myself from blurting out “So, you’re priest? Do you really believe in Creationism, or are you just trying to move up the Holy Ladder” or “Hey, how’s the whole child molestation scandal working out for you.” or “Don’t you ever want to just throw on an ascot, you know, for a change?” Sometimes, in the elevator, I think they spray some Catholic ju-ju potion because as soon as the elevator doors shut I have an overwhelming need to confess, something, anything. “Hey, Mr. Priest. I cut a guy off in the Starbucks line on my way here and I felt really bad. But it turned out he was only having a decaf, so then I didn’t feel bad anymore, am I going to hell? And if I am, can I request a seat in the Brimstone section, I really don’t do well in the heat.”
My point? I think getting up everyday, going to work and acting like a full grown responsible adult is enough of a life challenge. The occasional nun I can handle, but really? A daily stream of priests? That falls under cruel and unusual.
It’s been just over a month and I have managed to keep myself in check, but I don’t know how much longer it can last. I’m perilously close to taking a Latin class-I think it would be an awesome icebreaker.