THE VIEW FROM THE SLIPPERY SLOPE

So, I went to my local pharmacy to get some earplugs.

Sidebar: Yes. Earplugs. Yes, for sleeping.  All sensory stimulation must be quelled when the sleeping calls. That includes eye mask, ear plugs and good several inches between me and Jon, he has learned to not cross that invisible line…Nothing comes between Naomi and her zzz’s.

 Back to the earplugs. I go the local pharmacy because that’s what one does, and of course it’s small and doesn’t have a large selection. Fine. Who cares. I’m getting ear plugs. What the hell is this???

Do ear canals vary so greatly in size, that the one, squishable foam is not universal? And then I started melting down (on the inside) getting angrier and angrier. I couldn’t figure out why, and I eventually chalked it up to some type of feminist PTSD, as my reaction was the same when I saw these a few years ago:

This got me thinking, how many other dumb, overpriced items in soft, submissive colors are re-packaged and marketed strictly to women. Just so you know, the below is a mere sampling of genderless items that have been gender segregated. The results of the search I did, which took maybe 12 seconds, doesn’t even include every piece of bullshit pink sporting equipment ever made. Nothing makes me angrier than a pink baseball glove, okay maybe pink hockey skates. Okay maybe the marketing behemoth that is Breast Cancer Awareness month that put pink on all the football players’ shoes and whatnots. Jesus, stop making that crap and give the money to curing the disease. And stop with the goddamn pink, we’re done with being defined by the same color as fucking Cotton Candy!

Sorry. I digress. Just took an invisible valium. Anyway, let’s go shopping!

At Sears, there’s a fine array of, and I quote, “Ladies Household Tool Kits.” I trust the pink makes them nail polish chip resistant.

Black Microscopes are scary!

I’m actually relieved to have a female glue stick. For a while I was certain the regular glue stick was just compressed semen. At least now I know I’m safe.

I’m pretty sure these come with a scrim over the lens,
to protect us from the harsh reality of the wage gap.

And the most offensive: 

From Eater.com:  “Chick Beer, a beer that is marketed to ladies using lady things like the color pink, a little black dress logo, and “low carbs.”Because nothing says “lady” like a pink bottle of beer and a six-pack that’s designed to look like a purse.” Oh, and of course it’s a light beer. Someone wake me when this beverage nightmare goes out of business.

Now, when I go off on my conspiracy theory that the men of corporate America are doing their damnedest to turn back time and hurl women’s rights in a giant bonfire built by the Masons maybe you’ll believe me.

And what the hell is Sparkle Science?