I was having a drink with my friend Liza and the subject of the Women’s March On Washington came up.
Liza: Are you going?
Naomi: I feel like I should, but I know I’m not.
Liza: I’d like to go.
Naomi: You can stay with my parents.
Liza: Thanks. You won’t come?
Naomi: Well, here’s the thing. I’ve done the pro-Choice marches, the Labor Day marches and I think one other. I don’t know, maybe I just got caught in a motorcade when I lived in DC and thought it was a march. Anyway, the buses and trains from New York are going to be packed, and we’d have to go down on the Friday, which would be extra sucky. And really, if I’m being honest, I think it’s my denial that’s keeping me away. If I don’t go to the March, then the March didn’t happen, and if the March didn’t happen it means Trump didn’t get elected, and that’s really how I want to live. That, and, well, laziness.
Yes, I admit it, I’m too lazy to go and stand up for my gender. Does that make me sad, yes. But it’s not just laziness, really, it’s also the looming crowd scene. So. Many. People. And there’s never anywhere to go to the bathroom. And protesting while having to pee feels more like punishment than activism.
And then there will be the protesters protesting the protesters and chances are I’ll lose my cool, engage someone in “conversation,” end up calling them names, and the whole thing will end in violence because they just don’t get it and refuse to listen, and I’ll literally want to beat some sense in to them, so I’ll take a swing, break my hand, end up in jail, get a record and then the chances of me ever getting a full-time job will go from ridiculously hard to good luck with that Naomi.
For the record then, it’s not laziness keeping me from the March, it’s the need for a full-time job. Wow, I feel so much better about myself already.
photo credit: Liza Schoenfein
I’m not sure if Liza is going or not, but if she chooses not to, or for that matter, if anyone I know chooses not to go, just let me know and I will give you an excellent reason why it’s just not feasible for you to attend. This is a free service.
Meanwhile, anyone know how I can be cryogenically frozen for the next four years?