Author Archives: Naomi Major

No, we are not.

I swear to anything holy, I thought “work from home” was a euphemism for “sit on the couch and get paid to watch Schitt’s Creek.” Apparently not. Work from home actually  means work from home. 

Let me clear, I know I am one of the lucky ones, in all senses of the word. I am in no way complaining, it’s more like I’m observing, the good, the weird and the WTF?

For example, the farmer’s market is still on, and very organized. You can’t touch anything at the stalls, and only one or two people are served at a time. It’s a long wait…Meh, where else do any of us really have to be?  I approached the market and was looking for the Bread Alone vendor, “Is this the bread line?” I asked to no one in particular. Well that’s a phrase I never thought I would utter in my lifetime. 

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As seen on the Nature Channel. Another sign of spring is the early morning emergence of the Inwood Bread Line.  The line begins on Isham Street, and moves up to Inwood Hill Park. Residents generally speak in hushed tones, and stand in the traditional spacing of 6ft apart.

 

 

Sometimes I get angry.

“Fuck the fuck off” I yell at a commercial or some auto-play video of some rich as fuck celebrity telling me to stay indoors and “we are all in this together.”

NO! WE ARE NOT ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

You are in this in your eight bedroom, Beverly Hills mansion with a pool, tennis court and probably a fucking water slide. You are in this with your offshore bank account and enough money to buy Lithuania and still have enough left over to buy Luxembourg. You are in this with nothing to lose but your next fucking part in your next mediocre film, playing the part of someone who lost everything in the pandemic , which you’ll dig deep to play because you have no idea what they went through and will get made anyway!

NO. WE ARE NOT IN THIS TOGETHER.

Time to watch Tiger King.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Best Laid Plans…

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Not to brag, but I’ve been self-isolating for a full week already. I’m pretty sure I’ve saved at least 10 lives, probably more. I should note Jon is home with me, but his sacrifice is due to my sacrifice so really, I can take credit for saving probably closer to 50 lives.

 

You see, image1long before Covid-19 arrived, I was scheduled for my second total hip replacement (THR). Got my surgery on the 9th, came home on the 10th, and am on medical leave through the first week of April. Besides the relief of constant pain, there aren’t that many perks of having a THR, but one bonus was being able to lounge smugly on my sofa while all my sucker coworkers had to be at the office.

Not so much.

Two days after I got home, my office did the responsible thing – shut its doors and sent the staff to work from home. Looks like I’m not so special after all.

So now I’m home, and instead of taking medication for recreational purposes, I’m hoarding my drugs lest the apocalypse come and pills are the basis of a new economy.

Also, because President Half-Wit is not just a halfwit but also a danger to society, I’m at a loss to find anything remotely humorous about his “handling” of the situation. I suppose I do think it’s funny that, for sure, his “doctor” lied about his testing negative for the virus and in fact is probably positive and could possibly die. But it’s only funny if Vice President Science Genius is positive too.

Speaker of the House Nancy PelosiPresident Pelosi

A girl can dream.

These are dark times people. All we can do is wash our hands constantly, shower occasionally and hope to hell this administration gets exactly what it deserves.

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