Author Archives: Naomi Major

The Best Place To Live in America

For those of you I don’t speak with on a regular basis, I feel the need to update you on my post-November 8 emotional status. I have none. Oh I have emotions, a whole range in fact…

😀  😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣  😊 😇 🙂   😌 😍   😙 😚 😋 😜 😝 😛   😏 😒 😞 😔 😟 😕 🙁 😣 😖 😫  😤 😠

…and more than a few were expressed quite vehemently in the days following Trumpaggedon. But as it stands now, my emotions have been so repressed that I believe they may actually be gone. You may be thinking, Naomi, repressing your emotions is very unhealthy. Didn’t you spend 10 years in therapy because you became so expert at repression that you were a walking spark where one wrong word flipped your setting to wildfire? Let’s talk about this. Let confront your feelings. Open up. Share.

A wax likeness of Austrian founder of the psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud sits in Berlin's Madame Tussaud's wax museum, during a press preview of the museum on July 3, 2008. The museum opens to the public on July 5. AFP PHOTO DDP/ CLEMENS BILAN GERMANY OUT (Photo credit should read CLEMENS BILAN/AFP/Getty Images)


And I’ll tell you why the answer is no. It’s because I’m fine….and I’m fine because I moved to a little place called Denial.

Denial is awesome. It’s a place where the environment and human rights are still on the federal government’s agenda. It’s a place where bankers don’t get rewarded for being, well, bankers. It’s a place where I feel safe. The downside of Denial, like Bridgadoon* is that there’s an expiry date.


The expiry date for Denial is December 19. Here’s how I dream
of the day  unfolding:

7:15 am Alarm goes off

9:00 am At Temp Job

1:00 pm The DNN (Denial News Network) reports that a staggering number of Electoral College Voters have abstained and/or voted for Hillary.

3:00 pm I get offered a permanent job!

5:00 pm Leave work, meet husband and friends to celebrate the genius of the Electoral College and our new President, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

8:00 pm Arrive home and watch a hockey game. Leafs win.

10:00 pm Bed.


My fear though, is it’s going to go more like this…

December 19
-news announces Trumpanovs are president for realsies
-I eat my feelings in the form of junk food and overpriced coffee drinks
-Order in sad Chinese food
-Leafs lose


December 20  Spell is gone. Dam is broken. So many emotions pour forth uncontrollably from my body, my temp job calls security and I’m escorted out.

December 21 Got to bed. Wake up 4 years later and discover I’ve lost 20 pounds, haven’t a gained a wrinkle and Elizabeth Warren
is about to take the take the Oath of Office.

But that’s not until next week. So, if you want to live large and feel at peace, I invite you to join me for the next 3 days in Denial. No reservations needed. Irrational hopes for the future welcome.

* Brigadoon is a mysterious Scottish village that appears for only one day every 100 years. People are happy and dance a lot.


Hiding in Plain Sight

For months, I gorged myself on Politico, the FiveThirtyEight, Fox, Breitbart, Huffington Post, NY Times, Post, Daily News, reading and scanning everything. I was never fully convinced she was going to win, and I was looking for that one magical sentence, or stat, or headline that would put me at ease.

I watched the debates with a mixture of horror, and humor. I paced the floor. I announced to my husband “I’m going to bed, I can’t watch this.” Only to not move from wherever I had stopped pacing. I felt my heart pound with each passing minute.

Then it was over.

I went to bed before the race was called. I couldn’t hear the words that were about to be spoken.

Wednesday morning I did not tune into WNYC Morning Edition. I did not glance at a headline, I did not read the news. I consciously decided to forsake all news print, digital and radio.

It was going to happen whether I knew the details or not, I chose not.

Every time I felt the urge to read something I opted for a BuzzFeed Quiz instead. (I would be cheese if I was a pizza topping). I would read Facebook and Twitter and take my news reading habits to the important matter of the Brangelina divorce or hunt for Game of Thrones spoilers.

I felt Facebook would be safe. I have only 46 friends on the face-place and they all lean left so I had no fear. I wanted some cat videos – a thought that had never previously entered my realm of thinking. Give me kittens and toilet paper or give me death. What? No cat videos?

Apparently not everyone I knew chose to hide from the headlines. The First Week of The New Fascist Regime was inescapable. The reports of violence and hateful graffiti permeated the posts. Speculations of cabinet appointments evolved into actual appointments and hires.

So today, six days post election, rather than just settle for Facebook reality, I chose to get some actual news. I chose the NY Daily news, because it gives me the headlines, combined with the relief of a Kardashian update. I was reading the news about the president’s new Chief Advisor when I felt a sudden burst – my heart rate had left the gate like Secretariat.

My heart was pummeling me from within, and the attack felt enormous. It was as if my heart had increased in size and had annexed my lungs and entire upper chest. And the beat was not the happy throb of love but a deep, painful pounding. I could feel the weight of the muscle pressing against my chest. It was no longer an organ pumping blood through my system but a gauge from that which I longed to hide. A rhythmic beating organ manifesting my fear and abject panic. My breath became shallow. My body temperature rose. Tears banged against the back of my eyes demanding to be set free. My hands were shaking. I was losing control, I was being overtaken by a dystopian future that was moments away.

I had to get it together.

I quickly typed:

“Why Ron Howard didn’t think Tom Hanks would get cast in Splash.” Phew. My heart rate lessened, a bit. I don’t really care about Tom Hanks, I needed something …less.

“Britney Spears, Kate Hudson Take on Mannequin Challenge.” Better, but still, the pounding…

I will continue to hide. I will not watch the news. I will not watch the inauguration. I will watch out for my fellow humans and I will stand up when I see a wrong. But more than anything, I know I am about to watch this country implode. The dye is cast. The tyrants have won this battle. The empire is falling. My heart refuses to stop pounding.

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