THE VIEW FROM THE SLIPPERY SLOPE

I was having a drink with my friend Liza and the subject of the Women’s March On Washington came up.

Liza:      Are you going?

Naomi: I feel like I should, but I know I’m not.

Liza:      I’d like to go.

Naomi: You can stay with my parents.

Liza:      Thanks. You won’t come?

Naomi: Well, here’s the thing. I’ve done the pro-Choice marches, the Labor Day marches and I think one other. I don’t know, maybe I just got caught in a motorcade when I lived in DC and thought it was a march. Anyway, the buses and trains from New York are going to be packed, and we’d have to go down on the Friday, which would be extra sucky. And really, if I’m being honest, I think it’s my denial that’s keeping me away. If I don’t go to the March, then the March didn’t happen, and if the March didn’t happen it means Trump didn’t get elected, and that’s really how I want to live. That, and, well, laziness.

Yes, I admit it, I’m too lazy to go and stand up for my gender. Does that make me sad, yes. But it’s not just laziness, really, it’s also the looming crowd scene. So. Many. People. And there’s never anywhere to go to the bathroom. And protesting while having to pee feels more like punishment than activism.

And then there will be the protesters protesting the protesters and chances are I’ll lose my cool, engage someone in “conversation,” end up calling them names, and the whole thing will end in violence because they just don’t get it and refuse to listen, and I’ll literally want to beat some sense in to them, so I’ll take a swing, break my hand, end up in jail, get a record and then the chances of me ever getting a full-time job will go from ridiculously hard to good luck with that Naomi.

For the record then, it’s not laziness keeping me from the March, it’s the need for a full-time job. Wow, I feel so much better about myself already.

photo credit: Liza Schoenfein

I’m not sure if Liza is going or not, but if she chooses not to, or for that matter, if anyone I know chooses not to go, just let me know and I will give you an excellent reason why it’s just not feasible for you to attend. This is a free service.

Meanwhile, anyone know how I can be cryogenically frozen for the next four years?

For those of you I don’t speak with on a regular basis, I feel the need to update you on my post-November 8 emotional status. I have none. Oh I have emotions, a whole range in fact…

😀  😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣  😊 😇 🙂   😌 😍   😙 😚 😋 😜 😝 😛   😏 😒 😞 😔 😟 😕 🙁 😣 😖 😫  😤 😠

…and more than a few were expressed quite vehemently in the days following Trumpaggedon. But as it stands now, my emotions have been so repressed that I believe they may actually be gone. You may be thinking, Naomi, repressing your emotions is very unhealthy. Didn’t you spend 10 years in therapy because you became so expert at repression that you were a walking spark where one wrong word flipped your setting to wildfire? Let’s talk about this. Let confront your feelings. Open up. Share.

No.

And I’ll tell you why the answer is no. It’s because I’m fine….and I’m fine because I moved to a little place called Denial.

Denial is awesome. It’s a place where the environment and human rights are still on the federal government’s agenda. It’s a place where bankers don’t get rewarded for being, well, bankers. It’s a place where I feel safe. The downside of Denial, like Bridgadoon* is that there’s an expiry date.

The expiry date for Denial is December 19. Here’s how I dream
of the day  unfolding:

7:15 am Alarm goes off

9:00 am At Temp Job

1:00 pm The DNN (Denial News Network) reports that a staggering number of Electoral College Voters have abstained and/or voted for Hillary.

3:00 pm I get offered a permanent job!

5:00 pm Leave work, meet husband and friends to celebrate the genius of the Electoral College and our new President, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

8:00 pm Arrive home and watch a hockey game. Leafs win.

10:00 pm Bed.

My fear though, is it’s going to go more like this…

December 19
-news announces Trumpanovs are president for realsies
-I eat my feelings in the form of junk food and overpriced coffee drinks
-Order in sad Chinese food
-Leafs lose

December 20  Spell is gone. Dam is broken. So many emotions pour forth uncontrollably from my body, my temp job calls security and I’m escorted out.

December 21 Got to bed. Wake up 4 years later and discover I’ve lost 20 pounds, haven’t a gained a wrinkle and Elizabeth Warren
is about to take the take the Oath of Office.

But that’s not until next week. So, if you want to live large and feel at peace, I invite you to join me for the next 3 days in Denial. No reservations needed. Irrational hopes for the future welcome.

* Brigadoon is a mysterious Scottish village that appears for only one day every 100 years. People are happy and dance a lot.