The Social Anomaly

For many years I wrote a weekly essay entitled the Friday Afternoon Update (the FAU), and this blog evolved out of those pieces. Over the years I curated all my pieces and began forming them into a narrative. I was diligent, and completely committed to finishing the work, and then, alas, I got, well, lazy. And apparently I also got lazy with the blog writing. So I decided to conquer my writing apathy by combining the book and the blog, creating this, my blook-which I thought was a new word I made up until I googled it and discovered “blook” is everwhere. Stupid internet.

But I digress.

Just like the Saturday Evening Post back in the day, my entries are going to be serialized. I’ll have new tag or category, or both (I don’t really understand the difference)  called “The Social Anomaly” in case you need to review previous entries.

And now, here we go…

THE SOCIAL ANOMALY

ACT I
Part I: Introduction

So there I was, in my late thirties, sans career, sans man, sans baby, living in a tiny overly-Ikea furnished apartment and carrying around twenty extra pounds I’d gained in university and never managed to lose. Forty was coming up fast and  I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me.  Why couldn’t I just buck-up and fix my life?  I looked to Oprah, Jane Austen, and Bridget Jones for inspiration, but lightning never struck.  Years went by, and I found myself on the precipice of forty where the only thing that had changed was my bank account – and unlike my stomach, it was thinning out fast.  I was on the fast track to misery, and I needed some company.  And then it dawned on me.  I was “special.” Not special in the short yellow school bus sense of the word, but special as in an anomaly.  I was my very own sociological experiment.  By the age of forty every woman I knew, had read or heard about had “more” in their lives than just good friends and family. I decided I needed to investigate this idea of “more.”

Naomi’s List Of “More”

Having at least one item on the list is necessary for achieving life satisfaction.  Having two or more would be the proverbial icing on the cake.

1.  Spouse/Long-Term Boyfriend
2.  Baby
3.  Satisfying Career
4.  Financial Stability
5.  Property

A review of the list of more/Naomi’s status.

1.  Spouse/ Long-Term Boyfriend

For the majority of my adult life I have been single.  Actually not just single, but über single.  I passed through my late twenties, all my thirties, and now into my early forties without one significant, romantic, intimate relationship.  No exaggeration.  If only it were because I was so busy climbing the corporate ladder I just had time for whirlwind flings and tawdry affairs.  Oh, if only.  It just didn’t happen.  When Saturday night comes, I’m still sitting on that crappy Ikea couch wishing I were a lesbian so I’d have a new dating pool to choose from.

A common question asked of me is “why aren’t you dating?” My common reply is “they were sold out at the Boyfriend Store.” In truth, when I started dating there was no Boyfriend Store, now of course there are a slew of them: Match.com; eHarmony; Chemistry; Craigslist, etc.  The dot coms are never literally sold out, but it always feels like I’m getting someone from the remainder bin.

Having completed Sociology 101 while at university, I feel amply prepared to present a scientific hypothesis: if there are those who begin dating in their teens and never stop – serial relationship strumpets that eventually end up marrying – then the opposite has to exist: me – a dating ingénue who never made it to leading lady status.

SUMMARY
Criteria: Spouse/Long-Term BoyfriendStatus: Unachieved

Stay tuned for criteria #2: Baby

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